January 28, 2002 - 1:14 pm
confused
the one where something else is more confused than i am.
So,
I finally found a being more confused about his or her lot in life than I am...
I was driving back to work from lunch (Subway--healthy food...blah!), and a bee landed on my yellow Ford Escape.
And started humping it.
No joke. His little hair black and yellow ass was pumping up and down and he seemed to be enjoying himself.
Talk about odd. I don't feel so bad now, I guess. At least I'm not out humping strange inanimate objects...
Anyway, long time readers may remember several months ago when a secret group of international spies tried to kill me with a poisonous biological contagion. Well, this past week, I discovered that this "biological contagion" is really just a common chemical. Granted, a stinky, smelly, awful, nasty chemical. It's called sodium dodecyl sulfate.
And it smells like an elephant's ass, removed from said elephant and left to rot with a pile of broken eggs and garlic in the hot sun for about six years.
It crawls into your nose and clutches your sinuses with clawlike talons that rip open your tear ducts. It climbs down your throat and imbeds itself into the soft tissue there, causing extreme coughing.
I know this odor because I can only smell a handful of scents, and I know them well. When I walked out on that old Asian woman last year, we both just about keeled over dead. That was a smell I'll never forget.
So imagine my surprise when I was prepping samples last week and opened a bottle of sodium dodecyl sulfate and had that same throat-constricting experience.
I guess they use SDS is some kinds of industrial-strength cleaning solutions or something, and I guess back in April the janitor of the apartment complex dumped a bunch of it near the door.
Either that or it can be used in the manufacture of amphetamines and the guys upstairs are making some high quality shit.
Regardless, I coughed hard enough to get a nice mouthful of partially digested grilled chicken sub. Yummmmmy!
If it happens again, I might just find myself trying to hump some of the lab equipment or something...
