2000-09-01 - 02:03:57
So,
I've been doing a lot of silly writing for Theme Stream. It's earning me some good money, mostly due to some creative near-spamming on my part. Hey, whatever works. I'm rapidly closing in on the two hundred dollar mark. *Throws fist in air* I rule! Keep in comin' y'all! :)
Anyway, lat night Michelle and I went to the zoo. I love going to the zoo. It's always a kind of humbling experience. I mean, mankind is arrogant and thinks it's so much better than all the other animals, but everything we do it just a variant. Just a little more advanced here and there...but not much.
We saw the cutest thing: it was a bunch of asian wild boars. There were about 10 of them piled in a tiny little ball. As we got close, they woke up and looked at us. It was the CUTEST thing (well, the second cutest, keep reading). Eventually though, some other people walked up and they were loud and obnoxious and the boars freaked. It was kind of funny--like a boar-explosion or something. They all jumped up and out of the ball at the same time, leaving this adorable little baby in the middle all alone.
Sometimes seeing the cuteness of things like that almost makes me cry.
We got to see the baby panda...she's a year old now and really cute. As we were leaving, we stopped to look at the lions because the two males were actually awake for a change. Something pissed them off though because BOTH of them started roaring. It was frickin' AWESOME. You could tell they weren't roaring NEARLY as loud as they could, and it was still enough to spook you even with a cage separating you from them.
Finally though, we stopped by the koalas. There's a baby koala there just a few months old, and he IS the cutest thing. I've never seen an ACTIVE koala, but this little guy was playing! He was jumping back and forth from limb to limb like a little grey monkey. It was spectacular. They also have a young albino koala who's really cool--but he was sleeping.
It was a good night.
Something funny did happen that I probably shouldn't tell you because you'll probably think less of me for. But what the hell. :) We were standing near the elephants and according to Michelle, they stunk REALLY bad. Well, we watched them for a while and I HAD to fart. I thought maybe I could either SBD it or tweak it out slowly--you know, the kind where you roll the fart out and it's really quiet (don't deny it--you know you've done it). Well, try as I might, I honked pretty good. So, I got this painfully guilty look on my face and glanced over to my left. There was a woman there looking right at me. SURELY she could hear the fart. There's just no way you could be as close as she was and not hear it. But within seconds, she walked RIGHT behind me, pushing a stroller. Now, if she's dumb enough to walk into the fallout of a fart, that's her business, but don't push the poor kid through it! Judas priest! I wouldn't have been surprised if the kid's head popped off and started spewing black smoke.
Poor kid.
I'm not a showman when it comes to my farts...but there are times when you just HAVE to. Girls don't seem to have that problem...I don't know why. I'm a bit sadistic with my farts though...If I need to float an air biscuit when I'm in a video store or something, I'll head over to a large group of kids and tweak one. A few seconds later, I'll make a few exaggerated sniffs, then look at the group of kids like it was one of them. Then I'll walk off shaking my head, but secretly snickering. I'm a dirty rat bastard. I can't smell, so I don't know if it stank or not, but I figure you can't take any chances.
One time, Michelle took me to the airport and we had to ride in an elevator with a couple and their two kids--one about 4 and the other too young to talk. Well, damn if I didn't have to let one go right after the door shut. Well, I tweaked it, but it still made a tiny little oink. The little boy across the elevator giggled. His dad patted him on the head and said "Yeah, that was pretty funny wasn't it." Now, my first instinct was to smile back and point conspiratorially at Michelle, since she didn't hear the fart and had no idea what they were laughing about.
I wanted to. So bad. But I was a good boy.
But if you think bad thoughts, are you still good? If not, I'm one bad SOB, lemme tell ya. :)
